I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
