im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
