I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
