just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize