he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
