My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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