We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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