you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
