Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
