What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
