bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
