it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
