It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm at about main and main street
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
