is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
