road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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