I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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