I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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