She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
