We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
