1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
