I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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