I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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