you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
