You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
