I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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