Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We're too hungover to prance.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
