u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
