I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
