that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
