and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
