Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
