I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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