Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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