literally had 100 drinks last night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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