you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
