I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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