Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
