he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize