fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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