Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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