Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
