once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
