Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
