So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
handjob tips. give me some.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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