Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
