I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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