ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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