Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
