My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
