Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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