i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
