So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
