I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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