please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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