Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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