when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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