i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
