I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
