This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
