Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
