Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Congratulations! We have a period
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
