I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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