The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize