I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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