ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize