been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize