We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
