Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
