im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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